Thoughts on Love and Romance

 
        “…you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes…”  Is this from a romance novel bought from the local Meijers store, or is this from the Bible?  You guessed it!  This is taken from the book of Song of Songs from the Bible (4:9 ESV)! 

The Bible seems to suggest that romance in marriage is very important.  We sometimes think that it is mere gravy on the really important “meat” of life, but the Bible seems to suggest that we should seek and maintain romance in our marriages with genuine enthusiasm!  While Valentine’s Day is not a “holy day” by any means, it can be redeemed by God’s grace and used to prompt Christian men and women into genuine romance. 

Life can become so busy with keeping up on chores and trying to whittle down the long, seemingly never ending list of to-do’s that we lose sight of some of the most important things God has given us.  Outside of Christ and his kingdom, the most precious gift that married people have in their lives is their spouse.  No one else in our lives has pledged to stick by us through sickness and health, poverty or riches, better or worse, till death do we part.  We have made a covenant with our husband or wife in the sight of God and are called to love that person in a way in which we are not ever called to love another person.  We become one flesh.  Sure this includes sexual intimacy, but this means being united as a couple spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially, and perhaps in many other ways!  One of the ways that the Bible seems to urge us to strengthen our marriages is by keeping our eyes on romancing our husband or wife! 

Is your marriage a bummer right now?  Does it seem stale or cold?  Could a little fire of romance warm it up?  While romance itself is not the end-all fix-it solution, it can be a significant ingredient to maintain a close and exciting marriage! 

Husbands, let’s start with you.  Do you take your wife on regular dates?  Do you take her to what she wants to do instead of the same old thing that you want to do?  What is her favorite restaurant?  What is her favorite activity?  Maybe she would like to go dancing.  Also guys, do you serve your wife regularly around the house?  What chores could you do for your wife that would absolutely bless her socks off?  Perhaps your wife would like you to get into better shape and take care of that body the Lord gave you.  Husbands, do you spend time simply asking your wife how she is doing and what her dreams are for your future together?  Do you take the time to listen to her without interrupting; do you give her your undivided attention?  Do you know what really romances your wife?  How about randomly picking up beautiful flowers for her when she least expects it?  How about calling her on your lunch break at work to tell her you love her and ask about her day?  Send a card home to her for no reason but to tell her you love her.  Plan out a very creative date for your wife and surprise her with it.  Get baby-sitters for some time alone with her.  Before trying to make any “moves”, be sure that she feels loved by you through quality time in conversation and loving acts of service around the house.

 
Also husbands, do you seek to be always gentle with your wife?  Yelling and screaming and using put-downs are absolutely off limits in marriage.  Our wives are fragile and can be permanently injured by our rough words.  Maybe reading a good Christian book on marriage is needed.  Maybe asking a brother in Christ for some help in this area would pay huge dividends.      

 
Now women, let’s put you on the spot.  First of all, if you don’t think your husband will read this article, tell him that “Pastor Tom wants you to read this!”  Maybe that will work!  Women, what does your husband need?  I would break it down for many men (not all) as primarily words of respect and physical intimacy.  It is interesting in Ephesians 5, Paul tells husbands to “love” their wives, and he tells wives to “respect” their husbands.  Respect seems to be a key issue for men.  Wives, do you communicate to your husbands frequently that you respect him?  Do not wait for your husband to become perfect before you do this.  Your husband is called to love and cherish you even now, while you are still quite imperfect as well.  Tell him what you think he is really good at!  Brag about your man to the other wives and men of the church!  Praise him to his face.  Praise him behind his back!  Never, ever, speak disparagingly about your husband in public.  Speak only what builds him up…  This goes for you too husbands!  Tell him you think he is handsome.  Tell him he is your man.  Ham it up.  He will be deeply blessed by it. 

Secondly, wives, consider what kind of lover you are for your husband.  Yes, men and women are called to dress modestly in the church…we should give no cause for stumbling to others.  However, that says nothing about how husbands and wives dress in the privacy of their own homes!  Wives, your man is visual!  He longs to enjoy the beauty that God gave you.  Your beauty is meant to be shared with your husband.  So just between you and him, surprise him with wearing something that will catch his attention!  Dress for him!  What does he like you to wear?  Finally, pursue your husband physically.  Make a genuine priority of taking time for your love life.  He needs it.   

I hope and pray that it will be Valentine’s Day in your marriage 365 days a year.  So go ahead, ask your date out!  When was the last time you got romantic with your love?